Puppies

5-1-17

After lots of uncertainty and months of discussing and looking at Peggy's young adults/retired dogs, it's really looks like there will be a dog in our lives. A puppy! A baby, too! Am  ready? Emotionally...mostly. Puppy proofed....no. Puppy rules discussed with Xander...not yet. Peggy asked about levels in the house and emphasized how we must not let the pup charge up and down stairs, and must put down some thick mats at the bottom of stairs to offset hard landings. Looks like puppy will be on a short leash for a while, literally and figuratively.
I am anxious about X and the pup. He's so excited about the pink-collared female and will be disappointed if she's not available. He also has been saying he's going to take the dog everywhere but I've told him that just won't be practical most of the time. His best friend, Lachlan, who lives nearby, doesn't even like dogs. I picture myself following him in the car or making arrangements to pick up the dog. What it comes down to is that I don't yet trust him and maybe never will with my dog. Is it possible that the pup will be a family dog?? Xander says he wants the pup to sleep in his room but is he going to deal with the whining and crying that is likely early on?
I admit I'm concerned about sharing my new dog with someone else. I'm not great at sharing anyway, and I want an amazing bond with this puppy/dog. Like my Cupid. Like my Eli. Dogs that I never really had to share with other dogs or people. I can reassure myself with knowing that I'll be the one doing beginning obedience and spending more time feeding, sleeping next to, walking, and socializing my pup.

11-21-17  Update

Well, I can't believe that the whole deal fell through. So disappointed. I was at Peggy's place, ready to take a puppy home. At the time, I wasn't sure if it would be the brown-collared sable, the likely long-coat, or Peanut the runt. Peggy said that another buyer came out and had a really nice immediate bond with the stand-offish, brown-collared female. Peggy said I have first choice, but that was enough to help me narrow down my decision. I was concerned about health issues with Peanut, even though most everything I'd read said that runts typically grow up fine. That left the coat, which I wasn't in love with but had shown some potentially nice working ability. I was satisfied, though not thril

Vacation is over. Sad. In the airport yesterday, I finally had internet again (hadn't really missed it much) and checked email. Immediately, I felt the stress in my chest. I have to call lawyer and Peggy and call Tim back. I haven't even listened to Tim's email; how did I fall into this life of denial and avoidance??
Picked up Lacy and headed home to the packing mess that had been left. Trip went too fast. Next time, add the hotel package so you can lounge on the beach!  Plus,I was just getting over the cruise learning curve. Then I had to work the next day. Thought about cancelling the assignment but want the $ and no school tomorrow for Roseville and Maplewood.
Lacy was so freaked out when I picked her up. They couldn't get her (there was a platform that made it easy for her to squeeze into a corner and not be reached) and had me go back. She was hissing at me and was so scared. I had to grab her by the scruff of her neck and pull her down. I felt terrible.
Left 70 degree weather to return to 20's-30's. Not as depressing as it should be, so I guess that's a good thing. Had some concerns about returning from a nice vacation, as things were bad last time.

                                                    Me, feeling happy on Clearwater Beach,

                                                   wearing my Winx cap from Bill 

I got a call from a friend last night. It was nice. It seems so difficult to make and keep friends as we age. Maybe it's just me and the fact that I don't want to waste time on unsatisfying relationships any longer. Maybe I expect too much from people. Maybe I just need to find people with more similar interests. I have friends from work; one is younger than me, getting ready to have her first child and we exchange texts fairly frequently but it's mostly superficial. My supervisor seems very similar to me and we've had some great discussions but the fact that we're on different levels feels like an im---
People I've met at the MSP dog club haven't clicked like in Tucson, although I didn't maintain friendships with any of them once I moved away. People from my therapy group tried to keep it going informally for a while and one woman and I did activities with our kids for a couple of years but eventually we drifted apart. Maybe because we didn't live nearby. Maybe because our kids weren't exactly the same gender and age.
Maybe friendships take a backseat once we get married, have kids, and narrow our scope of social interactions. Maybe people are satisfied with superficial social online relationships. Maybe friendships are almost impossible to maintain once we step out of the setting in which the friendship was made. Out of sight = out of mind? I find this so hard to understand, though, with there being many ways to communicate these days.
Whatever the reasons, it frustrates me. I may need to force myself to be more of the aggressor. As I look back, I will not be hard on myself though: I can name a couple of instances in the past couple of weeks where I made the first move. The connection needs to be there though.
Can I maintain this friendship until we can be neighbors? That remains to be seen, but I'm going to try.
Update 4/29/25 We haven't spoken in years.