Saturday, June 18, 2011

My Cupid is gone

Cupid of Peppertree CD

December 25th, 1996 - June 8th, 2011

I said goodbye to my beloved Cupid. She was almost 14 and a half years old. We were used to her having her bad and good days but she woke up to a very bad day. So much pain. I couldn't get it managed despite the morphine, Rimadyl, and tramadol. She wouldn't eat any of her favorite foods. She wouldn't even drink water from her little bowls that I set next to her. I called the house-call vet I've been using lately and waited an unbearably long time for her to call back. She will hear about how disappointed I am, after their being wonderful caregivers to Cupid over the past year or so.

My regular vet hospital, Como Park Animal Hospital, came thru for us and they were even willing to euthanize her in the back seat of my car where she had spent so many happy hours. I had her cremated and will keep her ashes until I find a forever burial place for them, as well as those of my other Shepherds. It will not and cannot be Minnesota. This will never be home to me. If I never find the appropriate place to bury them, I have instructed Dana that I want all of them buried with me. Here's Dana's tribute to Cupid: Angry by Choice: Goodbye dear friend

I seem to be managing fine - better than I thought I would be - but then something out of the blue triggers memories of her and I break down. This afternoon, the sadness and crying and missing her so terribly went on for hours (and it's not done yet). I know I need to feel the pain, process the pain but thank God for alcohol and television to distract and numb. And now, if you'll excuse me, I need another shot.


JennaKay Francis, Author said...

I am so sorry, Deb. Sometimes the missing is unbearable. My little Bear passed away from cancer three years ago, and I still miss him. Hugs.

Jill said...

Deb - I'm in tears! We've been out of touch, but when I saw your blog update on my feeds I was happy until I read your news. I'm sending you love and hugs from NC to you and Dana & A.

Debra McWilliam said...

Thanks, ladies. It is good to be understood by true dog lovers. The void is excruciating. Everything reminds me of her because she went everywhere with me. It helps to write about her. Thanks for reading.